continued

did they seriously have to cut off my clothes in the ambulance? now im in this stupid hospital gown. my foot is in an air cast, they said i sprained it. i total my car and all i get is a sprained ankle? i cant do anything right. this iv is making me crazy. i just want out of here. my family is slowly coming in - i can tell my moms not happy. i start screaming about going to the cubs game. i dont know how im going to get there now, my car is totaled. i call my best friend heather to come get me. i cant be around these people right now. i listen to voicemails where marty is screaming at me about where the hell are you. i lose it. i throw my phone across the room but it only hits the curtain and slides down. this makes me even more angry. i start yelling. i cant even remember what i was yelling about. i scream for the nurse to bring me my release papers. i have to get out of here. im panicking again. what if they test me for drugs? theyll be able to tell i ate a shitload of xanax. my family is telling me to calm down. i sit up and literally rip out my iv. blood splatters across the room. i jump out of bed and the nurse comes in telling me that i cant do that. i just yell i want out. get me my release papers. i cant remember much after that or even during that. im not sure if its the drugs or the manic state i am in, maybe both....i remember grabbing my crutches and heather picking me up to go get clothes from my in laws house, where i am currently living. i manage to fall down the stairs there and scream at my father in law telling him i wish i had died. then i disappear for 2 days.....i just wanted to die, but i cant even get that right.