Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Here it goes.....
Hmm.....What to do with myself today. I know my house is messy as are my kids, but they're having so much fun outside playing. I am currently sitting in my garage (aka my husbands' man cave) thinking. A dangerous situation at times. Inside my head can be horrific thoughts. There are also some amazing ideas though. I debate within my heart and soul currently whether or not I want this blog to be raw and open. Are my wounds still to fresh for that? Can I live to tell the tails of my past? Or will I just open the wounds to a crowd that will watch me suffocate and die? There is no right answer here. No matter what I choose to do, some will judge, some will find hope in my journey, and others will gather for my demise. Are the ones that will find hope strong enough to help me once I have fallen? I believe they are, but I have been wrong before. Oh well, here it goes. The start of a truly open and honest, raw and messy blog. Judge if you must, but remember, you too could be me. You all could. Will you be strong enough to help those around without being crippled by the fear of the rest? I honestly hope so.
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Hi
ReplyDeleteI've been told that I'm most likely Borderline but am waiting on my official diagnosis. I'm 42. I've know that all is not right for many years. Looking back I wasn't a 'normal' child. I've memories going back to when I was 3 years old and even then I knew I was different, crippled by shyness, constantly analysing the actions of those around me, desperately wanting to belong but not wanting to belong. Wanting to be alone but hating to be alone. Somehow I managed to carve out a 20 year career as a primary teacher - though was constantly facing self doubt (I stopped teaching 3 years ago) I have a marriage which is currently struggling due to the difficulties I cause at the moment and 2 beautiful boys, who by some miracle are just about perfect but I am ashamed to say that I am torn by my ability and willingness to engage with them as much as I would like/should like.
I don't know about you but the feeling of wanting or feeling things that are opposites at the same time is getting pretty old!
I would love to follow your blog. At least I know that if I can't be what I want to be, then at least I'm not alone.
thank you so much for your comment! i would love for you to follow my blog and i completely understand what you mean about not feeling so alone in this! <3
DeleteI was diagnosed BPD 18 months age and BPin January this year...I identify completely with your opening blod and Caro's comments...I look forward to future installments...Lisa xx
ReplyDeletethanks lisa! <3
DeleteHi, I have been brave to start my blog, too. It's in Portuguese, though.
ReplyDeleteIt's always good to find others.
Sometimes it's hard, but writing helps.
I hope you come along well and always have the necessary support. I am far and I am a nobody.
Nevertheless, just for the record...I am also...here.
oh hun you are FAR from a nobody! you are a somebody and i appreciate your support! <3 feel free to talk to me whenever you want!
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